I can not, I really can not do, has to escape to this matter, I'm still not acceptable, as long as a thought, I still cry, Mama will not let me think, let me cry, I can not help I am especially afraid of sitting on the bus to work every day, at that little space of their own, his mind would constantly think, think. . .
not a special day today, only I can not help, and there is no place to talk, do not people understand my feelings, in fact, no one can help to me. Do not want to mention to anyone, for fear his tears flowed, I am still so sensitive to the special care of all terms.
childhood was her grandmother took me, remember, she was always so busy, like her grandmother raise flowers, childhood home on the balcony of her grandmother all the flowers, I remember the rose, begonia, rose, jasmine, also there is a lot I do not know, favorite or Nazhu gardenia, very very lush tree, one to open when I gardenia particularly pleased, because it is very fragrant incense, the kind I like flavor , on how smell can smell him in the nose is not tired. Will also hang bags on the flowers, do not the clothes, sometimes tied pigtails. Every morning, my grandmother would put the gardenia Abstract several flower opened, put candy in the bowl of water, put a circle of water and swayed flower, flower dress with water. . . So from year to year, so every year. Unfortunately, since my grandmother went to after moving to Yellowstone, Gardenia is gradually dying out, year after year, every year the leaves are yellow and flowers each year and finally a few years or withered. I am also sad a long time, really good feel good pity pity.
junior high school had previously been swinging around in the grandmother, and later to attend school far from home, come back once a week, my grandmother could not bear to me, and also blame my mother cruel, so I left the house so small. Grandma said that she can not come to my house, saw my empty bed she would cry, in fact, her grandmother is also a lot of tears, I come back once, she cried once, when she wants to go cry once. So cry from my junior high school to the last meeting before her coma.
family say strange grandmother so many children and so many grandchildren, also great-grandsons Chong Sunnv, only special for me is particularly special, Who Loved is that I am. Are delicious, or what she felt good, she only left me, wishing all things gave me.
to work that day, when her mother suddenly received a call that her grandmother was dying, I could not believe it was the stupid people, how so? New Year's sister married my grandmother was all ah. I have not experienced any life to death a scene of children, with age, but also understand that this day would come,UGG boots clearanc, I knew all along he would not accept it. Grandmother to see a hospital bed, unconscious, simply ignore me, and she fell asleep on the way, might not even know that I see her again. . . . Upon hearing that her grandmother to die, I ran to the bathroom to cry, I really be afraid, I'm afraid to leave my grandma really has comforted himself that he will not and will not, and Grandma has been very good Well, nothing would happen, and certainly not something, when the family grandmother to discuss funeral, I felt my heart the feeling of being ripped a little bit of pain, I still escape, still comfort myself that this is only done under the ready just in case, will not achieve, no!
week later, a small years, and the twelfth lunar month 24, just over the weekend, Sunday, a get together and at noon were happily eating the festive dinner, though my grandmother could not move or speak, But she is sober, she knows that we are all back, she knew every one of us, I held her hand, asked my grandmother Jing child, do you think does not know me ah? You know me, under my hand on the squeeze! Grandma knows me, she knew that I,UGG shoes, with only a thin skin of her hands Shi Jin grabbed my hand. She remembered me! But she had no tears, and grandmother said that . . Grandma going gets what can only be washed more soy milk, sesame paste and the like for her to eat and only eat the small half a cup a day, she should be hurt, and I feed her, no experience, and sometimes faster feeding, she pharynx good hard look at the good heart pain! Finished a festive dinner in the afternoon we are ready to go home, and Mon have to work, parents must return lingxiang, I have to go back to Wuhan, and take the time to bid farewell with the grandmother, I said, Grandma, you take , and obediently to eat, I come back next week to see you! You take good ah! . . . I will not forget in this life out my grandmother's eyes when the door, the first by a look touched so strong, my grandmother's eyes has always been a bit muddy, however, is the spirit of that time, it does not look full of too many homes, it seems there is so much to want to tell me that I was touched and was shocked, and then you want not to go with her Zuo Yihui, because I can not bear, hesitated, worried that hesitated procrastination, Let grandma more sad, and ultimately withdraw, shut the door. Did not think this is the last one I saw grandma. . . . . .
to Wuhan, ate a dinner, clean up a bit, went to sleep, At 5 o'clock the phone rings, take a look up is the grandmother of the number, heart sank, people immediately clear , and connected after the mother's voice, I know, nothing goes without saying, I understand, because my parents just returned from Yellowstone Spirit Township, so early in the morning on it to Grandma, and that nothing else matters the. But the heart is still there of luck, maybe not maybe not maybe not. . . Mom wrote: Grandma, passed away. . . Although guess that is the case, but when the time actually heard, or like bolt from the blue, Wood's answer to a cry, back back to me tomorrow, that I go back now would not help him, but also adults greeted us. My mechanical Telephone, Wood's lying. In fact, the television play which are false, so the truth is not the most immediately burst into tears, at least I'm not, I like wood, like a blank mind, it then slumped over. After a while, perhaps only a few seconds, inside the minds of swing with just one sentence, Under the swap! This time I really want to have a personal pick me up, unfortunately. . . . .
day long I feel good, the company said not a word did not know doing them again. The next day back after an argument with hysterical Yellowstone has. Car is open to the shrine door, the car, eyeful of wreaths, eyeful of wearing mourning loved ones, mind blank echoed, ! Do not know when my mother pulled me so I went to the grandmother knock heads, do not know how to enter the shrine, when I saw the ice coffin lay askew there, thinking about it which is my favorite Grandma pro- time, knelt down to simply get up, I would then head-to's tummy crying, the people are soft, a few people pulled me up, I got up, then holding her mother crying, and everything do not know, we only know that cry, only cry. Nothing in mind, but hard to weep and weep, as the cry as a child. . . .
I would also like to see a grandmother, I am trembling in the opened coffin of ice cover of the blanket, which was covered Unfortunately, I do not see, his family said her grandmother is very peaceful, just asleep exactly the same. I stood beside the coffin of ice do not want to go, I would like to accompany her grandmother for a while, really want more with her for a while. . .
grandmother's funeral and made a ritual, do it very grand, and this is my grandmother's last wish. The next day a funeral procession of priests that are 85 years and could not send her grandmother a few years to not to each other is not good for us early in the morning to go out, even the sound of firecrackers could not hear. One which will gradually superstition is such training, believe it or not, as long as the people who care about their own good, what are willing to believe, willing to do. Finally I could not get her grandmother to the crematorium, Grandma did not get up the mountain, did not see the grandmother and the serene look.
Sometimes I can sense the grandmother, my mother would not let me think, my mother always worried about each other that are not good, not impossible, but I want to Grandma and hard about hope that she will one Cean Well, I do not ask what she blessed me, I really just want my grandmother to live in another world better.
am in the morning, but in fact I did not know I had written, hand direct orders from the heart, without brain, no modification, no organization of writing, recording just the thing to my heart. No one is willing to calmly listen,UGG boots cheap, I will not talk with the people of petty trivial pieces. . . .
Why emotional time, always a person might also say, I am always sentimental when a person, about the outcome. . . .
repeatedly proven many times, I need companionship, I always was a man after all. . . . My grandmother passed away, he said two words, 1: The New Year Why cry, bad! 2: Grandma May 7, I sat in the living room crying, and afterwards I asked him why he has never consoled me when I cry are never accompanied me, he said: your mother with you in the column! Let me say something did not sound good, you cry so, one would have died, such as Kazakhstan and then Kusi you a! I think this statement I may remember a lifetime! As I remember the afternoon I married a man in the new house had one silly, Lianku dare not cry, just grinding his teeth endured the tears, people afraid of her husband's family taboo unlucky like that. It was learned later that afternoon Xinlang Guan was busy playing cards.
people which, like a bad mood when things are bad, these things I think I will not mention, would like to in silence. For so long accustomed.
crying over, a little bit easier, it would be a form of release, and let my tears less it, I simply can not be referred to with the grandmother, life and death, the words, too sensitive. I like the thought of my grandmother's tears uncontrollably.
you did not know what kind of feelings! Including I myself can not understand!
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